kensei_takezo (kensei_takezo) wrote in bigender,

Newbie here, need some help

First, I feel like I should probably let you know that I am not bigender, but one of my best friends is.  Kat and I lived together for about three years before I had to move back home to England.  Kat rang me up the other day and it sounds like there are some problems with another individual at work.

(Note:  Please also excuse me for using gender pronouns such as (s)he or her/him, because I don't know whether Kat is in male or female mode today, otherwise I would use the proper mode of address as I always do for Kat)

I'll tell you a little about Kat first.  Kat is the preferred gender pronoun, because (s)he was born as Kateryna (a female, in the Ukraine), and later took on the male name of Katriel (which is Hebrew, as Kat is also Jewish).  Kat has been bigender from a very early age and believes that, like people are born straight/gay/bisexual/pansexual/transgender/genderqueer, and everything in between, (s)he was born this way (and I believe so, too).

Kat, unfortunately, did have a very rough childhood, with people at school a constant source of abuse, and home life wasn't much better (Kat's father was very abusive).  Because Kat was born and raised in the Ukraine, and people within the LGBT community are not easily accepted there, there was a brief period where the adults at Kat's high school would talk to her/his mother and they wanted her to put Kat into an in-patient facility at a mental hospital.

That's when Kat's family packed up and moved to Canada, where some relatives (Kat's grandmother and aunt) lived, and coincidentally, where I was currently living and going to school.  We eventually ended up living together, and went to the same college.

Skip ahead, and now Kat is working as a check-in clerk at a hotel there in Canada.  English is obviously not Kat's first language, but the language barrier isn't too bad most of the time.  When Kat first started the job, there was a period of time where (s)he had to explain to the employees why one day (s)he would turn up as a female, and other days turn up as male -- not just externally, with the clothing and mannerisms and voice, but obviously there were internal changes, too, as I came to understand experience for myself.  They were luckily all very understanding, from what I hear, and there hasn't been a problem until now.

A new employee has just started, and apparently keeps insisting that Kat's being bigender is just due to (quoted from our phone conversation, as closely as I could remember), 'having major psychological issues, and that you (Kat) are just attention-seeking because of the self-indulgent society we currently live in, how parents are constantly willing to bend over backwards to encourage and accommodate children's needs.'

Kat has tried to explain to him what bigender is, and that there are no underlying psychological issues that caused her/him to become bigender.  In fact, I myself can certainly say that any psychological issues Kat has are the result of having been bigender from childhood upwards, and how Kat's father would beat only her/him but never lay a hand on Nastasiya, Kat's sister, because she was 'perfect.' 

Does anyone have any tips for Kat on how to deal with this type of person?  I would love to be able to pass on some advice and help out.

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