Cassandra Cavenaugh (cassandracav) wrote in bigender,

Oh, hello there.

Originally posted by cassandracav at Oh, hello there.
Its about time I wrote another post. There's just something liberating about being able to write again. Being able to express myself in a way that is both easy, comfortable, and kind of awesome. :) I'll admit, I stopped writing because I had this intense fear I'd be caught or found. I guess it comes with the territory, but still, fear is an amazing demotivator. I posted a little emotional block of prose to bigender.net earlier this week. It felt wonderful to get those words out on paper. When I was writing that post, it just flowed right out of me. I actually hadn't intended on posting it to the forums, nor did I intend to burden others with my silly rantings, but it felt right.

Getting back to looking inward is a very strange feeling. I haven't had the urge to self analyze in a very long time. I'm definitely not a stranger to it, but the last few weeks I've been taking personality tests, the COGIATI, and reading up on myself. *laughs* That sounds pretty crazy, having to read someone else's thoughts about who I am, but it matches how I feel which is what matters. I tested as an INFJ on the Meyer-Briggs (MBTI) that I usually take. That's right on how I usually test, and likewise, it matches me almost to the letter. I get feelings about things that I can't explain, I keep back a part of myself (go figure!) and I have extreme perfectionist tendencies. All of this feeds into my feelings on gender. That COGIATI test? I scored a 100. Androgyne. That test, I know, is very unscientific and really kind of silly but I like to take it just to check if anything has changed with me. It hasn't, really. I always fall right in the middle.

Awhile back I started identifying myself as bigender. It makes far more sense to me than anything else, but its also one of the more confusing concepts in gender theory. I can't explain this to anyone; it just doesn't make logical sense to others. I'm not bisexual, I'm just bigender. I practically worship women. *laughs* And those cute little heels... ;)

Anyways, its back to stealth mode for this evening. I have boy things to attend to. I have a funny feeling the girl inside will be dropping little cues tonight, but I do hope she'll behave.
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